


Daisies and Marigolds

by Tagpye



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Later Explicit Content, Tentative Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-09-15 02:37:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9215048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tagpye/pseuds/Tagpye
Summary: "She wasn’t quite sure how it happened, because one moment she was trying to break through to him, tearing a little hole in her heart to spill out those emotions, and the next Junko Enoshima was deposed, the entire system of Despair crumbled around her."Nanami finds herself caring for a Hajime Hinata who isn't quite himself. Unfortunately she has a year's worth of upset threatening to throw her off course.(Canon divergence from DR3: Zetsubou-hen Episode 8.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Boooooooy is this self-indulgent. DR3 had a lot of issues and I suppose this is my way of finding some good in it. Izuru stops being a nihilistic asshole, takes out Junko and rescues Nanami instead of crying over her dead body when it's like 5 mins too late. I wanted to really explore their relationship in DR3 and try to explore the trauma that Hinata has undoubtedly gone through.
> 
> (I'm aware some people think of Hajime and Izuru as separate people, but in my opinion DR3 cemented that they're not truly separate identities, henceforth Hajime and Izuru are treated as one in this fic!)
> 
> Anyways I felt as if I needed to get this fic up and running to give me the motivation to continue on with it. Likely multi-chapter and Explicit rated later on.

_ She wasn’t quite sure what the outcome of this was supposed to be. It was a confusing, strange mess of things that had barraged her all at once and now she was left with the uncomfortable inability to understand how to handle it all. But despite her uncertainty she still ploughed on, she liked to think that was a good trait of hers, though more recently she’s found herself pondering that this trait might not always provide her with the best of outcomes. _

_ It was strangely… domestic. A shadowy semblance of everyday life. In actuality a life of normalcy wasn’t the case at all here, but she assumed it was best to live a generic kind of way when you’re not quite sure how you’re supposed to be living. Following a template, or something like that.  _

_ And so there they were, living together, eating together, simply existing together. She doesn’t know if this is enough for him, however recently she’s found she can never tell if anything will ever be enough for him. He seems content for now though, willing to adhere to her whims. The damage that seems to be rattling around in his head worries her, but she trusts in him, she trusts he won’t hurt her. _

_ Months and months of grief due to his absence, followed by even more grief once he returned. She wasn’t quite sure how it happened, because one moment she was trying to break through to him, tearing a little hole in her heart to spill out those emotions, and the next Junko Enoshima was deposed, the entire system of Despair crumbled around her. She’s not even sure if he really remembers her despite his actions, but he seems to stare at her frequently, as if he’s trying to grasp onto slivers of smoke and air and he keeps getting so close yet so far from his goal. He seems to listen when she tells tales of following your instincts, claiming your future, and that seems to be good enough, he’s listening, she’s getting through somehow. _

_ She keeps in regular correspondence with Yukizome-sensei and her classmates, Komaeda in particular is desperately eager for any news. She hopes that he’s genuinely interested in her well-being, but she suspects Komaeda’s zealous ideals might be factoring into his desire for communication. Regardless she misses them all deeply, but they’re safe, and she’ll be returning soon. Once she helps him. _

_ In fact she’s not even sure if she’s doing the right thing or even helping him, she feels remarkably out of her depth. She simply cannot tell, but she feels that she’s going to persistently try and try no matter the outcome. Recently she’s been encouraging him to grasp emotion, take comfort and joy in the tiny little things like catching a nice scent, or enjoying the feel of soft fabric under your fingertips, tiny little insignificant things that can bring you a sense of happiness, no matter how small. She’s not certain how that is going, but he seems to be attempting it, that counts for something at least. _

_ They’re both living in a house. Problem is Nanami has no idea where this house is or how Hinata managed to acquire it, he can’t remember if his parents owned it, or if he even has parents, it’s troubling to say the least.  _

_ But it’s somewhere they can lay low for a while, the area they’re in seems to be a small town with not so many neighbours and not so many people. The only human beings who routinely recognise her are the shopkeepers in the nearby grocery stores. She’s used to being alone but after having such a solid network of people around her for so long, it feels odd to suddenly be put back in that space.  _

_ Hinata isn’t much conversation nowadays. _

_ Mostly their days compose of ‘doing’ things, they read, they play games together, they cook, Hinata sometimes looks a little frustrated at the dullness of their activities but Nanami gives him an encouraging smile and a list of reasons to enjoy what they’re doing. Recently Hinata has complained less, she hopes that signifies progress, that or he’s growing increasingly bored and is plotting some way of ridding of her. She tries her best to ignore those thoughts.  _

_ Most of the days he doesn’t say much, yet some days he talks and talks about all these strange and complicated things, she tries her best to answer him, those days it becomes clear that lots of scary things have happened to Hinata in the past year, it’s those times that makes her heart ache the most. _

_ An intrigue towards hope, an interesting taste of impulsivity, is his reasoning as to why he saved her, she knows he’s experimenting with her, she’s his lab rat, he’s toying around with his humanity and her emotions, but she feels confident in the fact that he must be feeling something in order to be feeling curious about her. Even if it’s for superficial reasons, she won’t give up on him, she knows he knows this too. _

_ And so here they were, both a little confused and a little lost. But certainly in Nanami’s case, absolutely unwilling to give up. _

 

\----------------------------------

 

“Hinata-kun, I’m going to bed now.” She murmured as if she was cautious of interrupting the silence of the house, stepping into the front room whilst her fingers lazily glided along the door frame. Hinata was perched on the carpet immersed in books, novels stacked by his feet, the covers blaring of sci-fi and fantasy genres with the odd poetry book sat amongst the piles. She had been encouraging him to indulge in more leisurely pastimes, things to occupy his mind and take him elsewhere hence the fiction, it’s difficult finding something Hinata doesn’t become exasperated with in a matter of seconds but him being so diligent about it right now suggested that headway was being made. It was comforting to say the least.

She moved to walk by him to the stairway, but instinctively halted before she grew too far. She found herself battling with a few moments of deliberation, playing around with the sudden brimming feelings of guilt and uncertainty that swam up to engulf her and prickle in her chest, before she leant over to gently place a kiss on his cheek without saying a single word. She knew it was probably wrong, that she was most likely taking advantage in a way, but strangely enough the shame didn’t stop her from doing it. 

Even when that shame made her feel physically sick at times, the warmth that ran through her veins at the sensation of his soft skin on her lips was too much of an addicting feeling to abstain from.

She was taking advantage of someone who was lost and not quite there inside, it was certainly a terrible thing to do. 

It had started off innocent enough really, she had no such intention of expressing any kind of physical affection towards him. It was a mere light brushing of his face, or sweeping the long unruly hair from his eyes, and that was simply all too easy. The desire for more closeness with Hinata, that aching from the pain inside, had begun to manifest itself in such a way that she self-indulgently left her fingertips lingering, and when that became inevitably unsatisfying, stole kisses. 

He didn’t seem to mind, at least he never mentioned it or pulled away from her affections, but then again Hinata didn’t seem to respond to much of anything anymore so it was hardly much of a reassuring thought. She supposed that more than anything it was a terrible abuse of her time with him, she had never asked him for his consent and she was likely jeopardising everything she had worked towards with him in her selfishness. But here she was in a situation she wasn’t sure how to handle, and a broken down sense of self-restraint and the desire for a connection with someone who was so empty and detached made the temptation all too difficult to resist. 

She revelled at the touch, the briefest catch of his scent, and as her heart thrummed and ached she held her caress there many seconds before pulling away forlornly. It was getting harder and harder to not hurt inside, it was getting harder to not want to touch him. 

As if he was reading her mind, Hinata tilted his head upwards to face her, “Why do you do that?” He spoke suddenly.

The question startled Nanami, a jolt running through her from the tips of her toes to the roots of her hair and settling somewhere midway in the centre of her stomach. The only outward bodily reaction to his question however was a raising of her eyebrows, but that in itself was enough for Hinata’s apt attention to immediately latch onto. She had become foolishly complacent in his lack of response, she hadn’t quite wanted to think through the possibility that Hinata would enquire about it. 

“I’m sorry.” She blurted out.

“For what?”

She remained silent for a few moments, and that sickness rose up inside her once again, “It’s inappropriate isn’t it?”

This time it was Hinata’s eyebrows that raised quirked, “You believe your behaviour to be inappropriate?” The low-pan monotone of his voice was something that was still difficult to get used to, the inflections simply absent from his speech. The more he spoke the more she found herself missing the emotion that used to waver in his voice.

And while the question was simple enough she felt it difficult surmising an answer to it, where would she even start? It was a long winded explanation of uncomfortable feelings and unspoken words, and for Nanami neither of those things were especially easy for her to admit to. While words did vaguely form at her lips, she instead remained quiet, eyes shifting away.

“…you think you’re taking advantage of me?” 

Silence was part of Nanami’s repertoire, but Hinata nowadays had grown to read it like a book. That didn’t make the situation any easier though since she wasn’t quite sure how to contend with having her inner thoughts splayed out for the world to see, especially when those thoughts were a patchwork mess of uncertainty and worry.

“I only want what’s best for Hinata-kun, I want to help you get better, I want to teach you how to feel happy again, but I let my own feelings get in the way. I apologise.” She mumbled. Even as she spoke she felt her words to be feeble, there wasn’t quite an explanation she could give him that would satisfy the guilt in her chest.

This time it was Hinata who remained quiet, those red eyes quickly scanning over her as if reading every minute flicker of body language and formulating all manner of answers and theories and questions. For most other people it would be a rather intense and frightening sensation, but Nanami had simply grown used it. Yet as he continued to sit there and scrutinise her, she found herself pondering over whether the game was up now, that Hinata had grown tired of her and she had failed in her task, a large red GAME OVER flashing in her mind. 

It was difficult to assess whether her anxiety was justified, she was simply facing a big gaping unknown. Whereas games would provide you with set outcomes,  _ win, lose, this button does this, that enemy does that _ , in this case it was as if playing blindfolded and you had no idea what game you were even supposed to be playing. 

Not to mention there were no restarts. 

After what seemed like an eternity he sighed quietly, “What was it you said? ‘Take enjoyment out of the little things that make you feel whole?’ I don’t mind your affections actually, I think they feel… nice.”

Nanami blinked at him, eyes fluttering open and shut a great deal of times before she felt as if she had properly decoded his response. That was… good right? Hinata enjoyed her kisses, right? He felt something from it, so that was a good thing, right?

She puffed out a little in happiness, the sag of fear and terror leaving her.

“You’re pleased by this?” He enquired.  She could have simply been imagining it but she swore she could hear the slightest lilt of amusement in his voice.

“Mmm, maybe.” 

Yet despite his calm response, she still felt uneasy. While letting out her frustrations onto Hinata thankfully had no ill repercussions, she had no faith that her feelings wouldn’t continue to grow. Staying with Hinata was like gliding and navigating across thin ice, there was a lot at stake to accidentally misplace a step, and she was only painfully aware of the swirling black water awaiting her just beneath her feet. No messing up, no unnecessary moves, no letting the weight of her heart snap the ice. 

Of course she had liked him from the moment they met, and every single day that passed it felt as if something was blossoming in her chest. 

She was in love with Hinata, she was still in love with Hinata. 

And really that would only get in the way, nothing scared her more than failing in helping him, the ice cracking, and Hinata remaining so cold and empty inside for the rest of his life. Certainly it was a large task, the weight of someone else’s life on her shoulders, but that’s what friends did for each other right? 

She hoped so. She dearly hoped she was doing the right thing.

Feeling as if not much more could be said, she gave him a gentle nod and made to quickly leave the room. A nice quiet space to muse and linger over her thoughts seemed rather wonderful, yet as her fingertips rested on the door handle she felt that worry and heaviness on her heart weigh her down yet again. She paused and breathed in deeply, giving him one more glance, “Hinata-kun, no matter what happens, I’ll always be there for you okay?”

That was true. No matter how much she screwed this up, she wanted to know that she only wanted what was best for him.

Hinata simply stared at her until she shut the door closed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for vague consent issues, mild sexual content, and sad masturbating. 
> 
> (Rating up to explicit just in case but it's not really that raunchy)
> 
> This chapter probably came out a bit darker than what I was intending? Not so much fluff here, likely to be fluff in the next chapter.
> 
> (Also thank you guys so much for your comments!!)

 

_ “What are you doing?” _

_ She knows he has no idea who she is, there’s a certain vacancy in his eyes. He looks dead inside, in the most simplest of descriptions and briefest of summaries, he looks utterly horrifying. The unnatural blankness in his face reminds her of glass-eyed dolls with frozen expressions.  _

_ She feels a sense of revulsion from seeing him like that, as if Hinata had been taxidermied, all his flesh and humanity yanked out and stuffing and nothingness pushed back in. Despite the terror that wells up and threatens to burn in every inch of her skin she feels she is unwilling to leave, even when a girl with visible blackness in her soul steps out of the shadows with a predatory gleam in her eyes. _

_ “Hinata-kun, let me help you!” She cries out. She’ll reach him, surely if she tries hard enough she’ll reach him. _

_ Yet the girl cackles, and it only makes the dread in her stomach thicken with malaise. What is happening here? Is she going to die? How did he get mixed up in all of this?  _

_ The man stood before her was merely a ghostly cadaver of Hajime Hinata, _

_ but she still wanted to save him. _

_ “Come with me Hinata-kun! I’ll protect you!” _

_ The girl seems to break out into hysterics, “Eeeeeeh? What a cutie! You’re so hopeful in such a despairing situation? That’s wonderful! That simply makes it all the more enjoyable when I see your spirit break into little pieces!” _

_ She stares at Hinata with pleading eyes, the girl is dangerous she can tell, and she has Hinata right under her thrall. But Hinata makes no such movement, no such dashing rescue, and the girl seems to grow closer and closer and closer- _

 

_ \------------------ _

 

She hardly slept that night, while the simple task of ‘don’t develop further feelings for Hinata-kun’, was, in theory,  _ simple, _ she still felt that violent distrust of her own intentions. Falling even further in love with him while in this state, was something that would only grow more and more painful as time passed by. There was no guarantee of recovery for him, there was no guarantee he could even feel love let alone be in love with her.  

At the moment he was a ghost and she was kissing air. 

It was a despairingly hopeless situation with a despairingly hopeless outcome, and quite frankly she’s had her lifetime’s fill of despair.

Soft morning sun seemed glaring and sharp to her weary red eyes as she groaned and murmured noises of discontent, rays of light callously slipping through the curtain parting and hitting her square in the face. Nothing was more tempting than the thought of throwing the covers over her face and falling back into a restless sleep, but regardless Hinata was expecting her for breakfast so at the very least she needed to find the strength to kick off the sheets and become something remotely human.

The fragrant smell of homemade cooking hit her the moment she opened her bedroom door, somewhat waking her from her morning stupor as she rubbed at her eyes with the oversized sleeves of her pjs. Hinata had set out a spread of food on the kitchen table; preparing breakfast-time meals had become somewhat of a routine for him, a task to occupy his time. However since Hinata was so good and so quick at accomplishing most tasks that when it came to cooking he tended to make an obscene amount of food just to keep himself busy. Nanami briefly wondered what impact eating a meal large enough for 4 people would have on her health and weight, but her previous lifestyle of binging on ramen and sugary snacks didn’t seem to have much of an effect so she felt safe enough. It didn’t help that the food was insanely delicious too, the same quality as Teruteru-kun’s.

At the thought of her classmates, her heart ached. It didn’t take much for her recently, to feel the drag of loneliness.

She quietly padded into the kitchen and deftly picked up a syrup drenched waffle. Happily noting he had remembered her food preferences, she wedged it in her mouth, munching contently as Hinata eyed her. Normally at this point she would have given him a peck on the cheek as a morning greeting, but she felt it better if she refrained and did away with all those romantic gestures.

“How are you doing today Hinata-kun?”

He continued to watch her, “Existing I suppose.”

“Hmm? That’s not positive enough.” She muttered through mouthfuls of pancakes, stabbing one and holding it out towards Hinata, “Here! Sugar is all that is required for a healthy happy mind!” 

His expression seemed to turn a little stern, “Excessive amounts of sucrose are known to cause a variety of health issues.”

“Is that so? I don’t believe it.” She continued to chew, mind trying to wander into places she would prefer it not to wander which may or may not have been of the Hinata variety. She instead thought about what they would eat tonight, she thought about the latest releases that might possibly surface in the pokey old games store near the town centre that seemed to still own copies of N64 games as if several decades hadn’t already gone by. She tried not to think about the way Hinata was staring at her, curious and expectant. 

He stopped after around 2 minutes of constant eye contact and carefully poised a mouthful of muesli into his mouth.

Their day went on as normal as other day would go, household chores, formulating tasks, and yet he remained staring. Staring in itself wasn’t unusual, she knew it was because a ton of objects were whirring and tinkering in his head and his weird new brain had little time to care about typical social conventions, but  _ this _ staring was definitely out of the ordinary, as if it were anticipatory, expectant in a sense.

She very much did not want to be thinking about the reasons why this was, and she very much did not want to be reminded of the nature of such reasons. Being friends was simple enough, being platonic towards your best friend was easy as pie. She diligently ignored him and tried to continue with her tasks, obscuring his view with a few tactically placed laundry items as she fished out clothes for the washing line outside. As annoyed as she was, simply being here with him, standing in sunlight while the birds chirped, the breeze whistled, and Hinata leisurely leaned against the patio door, was something that seemed a blissful far cry from the events they had been in only a few weeks before. A gust of wind hit the bedsheet she was pinning up and the sun caught on Hinata’s face, cheeks caressed by gold, sparkles catching in his red eyes. 

She began to stare at him before she could stop herself, it reminded her of the fountain and the way they would linger on the stone basin together until the sun began to set and Hinata was bathed in a wonderful beautiful deep glow. She hurt over the days when he wasn’t around and she never saw that sight again no matter how many times she visited that fountain and wished as hard as she could. She wondered if she would ever see him again, she wondered if he still existed or was now a mere figment of her imagination. 

But he was here and he was alive. Her heart beat wildly in her chest the more she continued to gaze over and Hinata stared back, it was truly a pleasant sight, she had neglected to address how much she had missed him in the past year. But the sheet draped back down and Hinata was gone again.

She was thankful for that, it seemed as if reality had hit back down.

In an almost eager attempt to get out of the house she immediately fished out the grocery list Hinata had written whilst she was finishing up the laundry. Nothing about the town was especially exciting, but as selfish as it sounded, being able to exist in a place where Hinata wasn’t around almost felt like breathing room. Especially with how much he was continuing to watch her like a hawk, it was bordering on becoming irritating. 

Shoes on, jacket zipped up, and the door letting out its usual jingle as it slammed shut. Familiar houses and familiar people passed by her, in those moments it almost felt as if her life was normal. Indeed the world outside that beat around her was normal, but the world contained in that little house was anything but. 

In more brief selfish moments when she’s walking alone like this, a tiny little voice whispers to her horrible thoughts about running away, going back to her friends and carrying on with her life as if nothing has ever happened. But that surely wasn’t a possibility was it? Her life had been irreversably changed since Junko Enoshima grasped at her chin and breathed as if she had the intention of devouring her.

Not to mention she couldn’t do that to Hinata, she had made a promise that she wouldn’t ever go back on. She felt that really, she  _ couldn’t _ ever go back on it. No matter what it took, and even if she failed, she’d do everything she could to fix the past. 

  
  


She almost let out a sigh of relief when she returned home and he wasn’t anywhere to be seen, the house as quiet and lifeless as it normally seemed to be. The journey from the front door to the kitchen didn’t turn up a Hinata either, and she felt quite comfortable settling at the table and unpacking a few vegetables blissfully free from scrutinising human eyes. That solitude was abruptly broken however, as Hinata seemed to simply teleport behind her and she let out a tiny yip of surprise.

“Hmm.” She let out an irritated grumble of discontent, throwing him a huffy look. Of course Hinata did not respond to this, and continued watching her,  _ again.  _ She stubbornly chose not to acknowledge him and continued separating out the white bags on the table whilst he lingered behind her like a haunting phantom.

“You’re avoiding being affectionate with me.” He stated abruptly, finally, making Nanami jitter in surprise once again. Was that what this was all about? Not that she hadn’t expected him to notice a change in her behaviour of course, but she thought that he simply wouldn’t have cared about it that much to bother making a comment about it. How very irritating. 

“Mm, there’s no rule that I  _ have _ to be affectionate with Hinata-kun.” She grumbled back, she really was trying to avoid this, why on earth did he continue to bring it back up? Already her chest was beginning to thrum and heat started to burn in her skin, this was a conversation that she really really did not want and was very much not emotionally secure for. 

Yet as she turned to ignore him and rather unceremoniously dumped out the contents of one bag onto to the table to better organise the contents, she was very much unprepared for his next comment.

“Kiss me again.” 

Nanami flushed bright red and froze solid, dropping a head of lettuce onto the floor with a mild ‘ah.’.

When she managed to swiftly regain her composure, she defensively curled up, hurriedly stuffed things here and there as if the rustling noise would somehow drown him out, and mumbled quickly, “It’s rude to suddenly ask girls things like that Hinata-kun.”

He ignored her terse response and continued to speak, “It invokes an emotional reaction in me and I am curious to explore that, as predictable as your actions may be.”

An emotional reaction huh? The wandering fingers stopped and she gazed off into the space in front of her. 

Did the Hinata from before feel the same as she did?

That thought only tugged at her insides and she tried to hold the feeling down before it grew. 

“If it’s just one quick kiss... will you stop pestering me about it?” She said, finally turning to face him with an embarrassed flush. 

Hinata didn’t respond but she took that to mean a yes. She tilted on her tiptoes to reach his face, hands gingerly pressing against his hard chest for balance as she aimed towards her usual spot, the pale soft flesh of his right cheek. Yet as moved in, her lips were suddenly met by his deft fingertips. 

“Not there,” He muttered, pulling his fingers away from her lips and instead moving them to his own, “Here.”

The heat on her cheeks became fiery, warmth rearing up inside at the very thought, “I’m not doing that Hinata-kun.”

At this Hinata seemed to grow irritable, well, as irritable as Hinata could get, “It is quite obvious that you want to.”

“M-maybe I do. But I’m not going to.”

At this he sat back and assessed her whilst her hands dropped, and while she was contemplating the variety of possible responses Hinata would have towards her refusal, one that she most certainly did not deem a possibility was the sudden feeling of him grasping her torso, and his lips pressing against her own. Heat and excitement immediately fired up from her stomach into every possible piece of space that her body occupied. The kiss was far different to her expectations, far different to the ones she had experienced with him so far, his hand was rooted at the back of her head, the other wrapped around her waist, he kissed her and kissed her and kissed her and as each second ticked on Nanami swore the heat inside of her would eventually somehow burst out. There was a momentary pause, where Nanami sucked in a few breaths, confused and dazed and most certainly not in control of the situation, before long strands of hair began to tickle at her face again and Hinata’s mouth was back on hers. Yes, a situation that she definitely was not in control of, she almost felt like a deer in headlights. Her mind simply couldn’t formulate a way to respond to this.

Indeed while the worry of her feelings would niggle at her at some point, the intensity of the sensation prevented any thoughts more complex than base reflexes. As if exploring her reactions the kiss suddenly began to grow far deeper, and Nanami found herself unable to avoid letting a small groan escape into his mouth. Even worse than her outburst, she had begun to feel acutely aware of that warmth inside her stomach sinking down and cumulating between her legs. It felt obscene to her, a sudden rush of shame with the realisation that she was beginning to grow aroused from the act. Out of shock and confusion she attempted to step backwards away from him, but Hinata simply followed with her, her bottom hitting the counter as he pressed her against it. A probing mouth was followed by a probing tongue, and the moment he entered her parted mouth she let out a gasp of surprise. She was still growing hotter, her thighs began to rub together as heat and damp began to accumulate there. 

It terrified her to think that surely as insightful as he was, he had noticed this, and shame and embarrassment began to override any sensations of pleasure. It was uncomfortable to be in such a situation without any control on her part, and feeling so utterly overwhelmed she began to push him away. 

When that didn’t seem to do much she began to mumble and groan at his lips in irritation. 

That still had little effect, so she quickly decided that the best course of action in this situation would be to give him one hefty push and slap him across the face.

That seemed to work.

He almost looked surprised.

“Idiot!” She barked.

“I don’t quite understand, you seemed to enjoy my actions.” He said slowly, almost nonchalant in a way. She vaguely noted the slap didn’t seem to have moved his face a single inch.

Nanami shook her head angrily, “You hurt my feelings Hinata-kun! Be more respectful!” She meekly touched at her lips and let out a quiet mumble, “That was my first kiss.”

“I… apologise. It would seem my assumptions were off on this one.” He replied, she might have gone as far to say he looked a little thrown-off. “Were you not enjoying it?”

“It’s possible to enjoy something while still not feeling comfortable with it, you have to have my permission and check whether I feel okay with it.” She grumbled, still hyper-aware of the slick soaking her panties and the tingling between her legs.

Hinata seemed to process this information and nodded, “Very well, it appears there was a miscommunication between us.”

Nanami nodded blankly.

“Are you angry with me? You still appear to be distressed.”

She blinked at him then pulled at the hem of her skirt anxiously, “No I just… I just wasn’t expecting you to do something like that.” Really, she wasn’t expecting her body to act like that from just a kiss, but that certainly wasn’t anything she could confide to Hinata about. 

The kiss itself wasn’t anything she wanted to dwell too much on, but the fact it happened raised more questions to her about the state of Hinata’s mind. Was he actually feeling emotion towards her, or was he simply being haunted by the ghost of long-destroyed memories? Did he actually have any care for her, or was he simply being moved by residual feelings? 

Did that mean Hinata used to love her?

“Umm, did that answer your question? Or your theory? Or whatever it was you wanted to figure out.”

Hinata’s eyes narrowed, “It just… raised more questions.”

“I see.” 

She remained frozen in that spot, even when Hinata left the room she continued to stare up at the ceiling and felt sorrow and self-hatred twinge at her heart. Begrudgingly she touched at the wetness that had soaked through her undergarments and held her damp fingers into the air before her. Absolutely disgusting. Absolutely pathetic.

She really was making an overwhelming failure of herself in this situation wasn’t she? It would only be a matter of time before Hinata discovered she had nothing to give him and he’d return to whatever darkness he had been festering in. Junko wasn’t dead, maybe she was just postponing the rise of despair upon the world.

Thinking in that sense, she not only had responsibility for another person’s life, she held responsibility for the fate of the entire world. Wasn’t that just a terrifying thought? There was nothing stopping Izuru Kamukura from deciding this pathetic life she had crafted of co-op games, and cupcake-making, and daytime TV was inadequate for him. 

Was she thinking too little of him? Was she thinking too little of herself? Her loud shaky sigh did little to answer her questions.

  
  


When she went to bed that night she barely gave him much acknowledgement. She wasn’t being cruel on purpose, but more so she simply couldn’t handle the worry on her heart and the embarrassment that she was still so fired up from before. Even when she was feeling dark and bleak, even when she tried to occupy herself with speed-runs and Extra Hardmode playthroughs, her thoughts never left those of Hinata kissing her and the throbbing between her legs. 

While her actions from before had certainly filled her with shame, this kind of guilt was at a whole other level. She wanted nothing more than to… She wanted to touch herself, but perhaps worst of all she wanted Hinata to touch her. Sexual feelings were hardly something she had much experience with, she wasn’t quite certain if she should have such vivid thoughts of him slipping a hand between her legs and pushing against her sex. Was she really feeling so pathetically lonely? So desperate?

Her mind wandered to the sex education classes Yukizome-sensei tried to teach (which a certain person or two may have usurped with inappropriate comments), and about how they were maturing and developing and perhaps having certain thoughts. She remembered how she fondly told them all go at their own pace, to be careful and mindful of the other person, that it was ok to be afraid but it was also ok to want someone else. Love and safety was the most important, she told them all as if reminiscing over younger memories, explore at your own pace, communication is key.

That was something that couldn’t be applied here though wasn’t it? Hinata wasn’t… normal anymore. Her feelings were maturing, but Hinata was scarcely human. 

As the door to her bedroom creaked open she almost felt weary of stepping inside, it was no use trying to suppress her intentions and heading to bed only meant she was going to do something shameful. 

Stripping off her clothes only made her feel hotter, pulling down her skirt to expose her panties made her breathing grow heavy, opening her shirt and unclipping her bra to free her breasts made her cheeks tingle with red and heat. Almost forlornly, she palmed at the soft pillowy flesh on her chest, a hand daringly curving to cup her breast and squeeze, causing her to gasp out quietly. Touching herself was good enough, but the moment the lingering thoughts of Hinata began to swim around in her head, the sensation merely grew a hundred times more intense.

She slumped down to sprawl across the bed. She had touched herself a few times before, but those moments were few, and were hardly charged by anything as realistic. She felt miserable to be doing this, to be desecrating their friendship, but that fire in her veins was so overwhelming it was impossible to not let her fingers graze across the pert nubs on her breasts. 

Her fingertips danced around her nipples and she let out a soft groan, palms then moving to slide across her delicate pale skin, running along her sides, curving over her hips. 

Hinata would be bashful if he saw her like this wouldn’t he? He was always so nervous when she had touched him in the past. Thinking back, she felt a little bad for accidentally making him so flustered, but a mischievous part of her couldn’t help but to smile at the thought. She remembered when she had asked him along to the class swimming trip, and how he could scarcely look at her without breaking out into a flush of red. Back then she was naive to it, but after how much she had played those memories over and over and over in her head the more she had made sense of them.

She liked it when they touched, it made her feel warm. 

Her leg arched as she ran her hands along her thigh, following along the curve of her flesh to gently press into her feet. Thoughts surfaced before she could stop them, and Hinata’s vision wavered at the foot of her bed, running his lips along her arch. 

She would have liked to explore something like this with him, she thought. If times were happier and the world could have let them be with one another.

But the vision distorted slightly, and it was Hinata of the present pressing against her, kissing in that precise perfect way that seemed to touch upon every delicate nerve and made her melt. Her hands swept upwards, and the ghostly tingle of Hinata’s long silky hair seemed to drape all over her body. The house was permeated in his scent, he hadn’t entered her room before but she felt as if she could still catch traces of him, maybe she still tasted him on her lips.

She squished her breasts with a gasp then delicately dipped down across her stomach, flowing over coarse fur into slick hot heat. Fingers slipped against her clit and she felt herself jolt and arch, body curving and a free hand clenching into the sheets as she squirmed and twisted against the pressure. Hinata’s kiss consumed her, instead of her lips it was her body, she seemed to be entangled in the thought of him, and her legs began to quake the more she envisioned him pressing a caress to the side of her thigh.

The orgasm that hit her was frighteningly intense, she found herself jerking, panting and choking out brief snippets of his name, and when the pleasure began to subside a heavy blanket of tiredness pressed her against the mattress. 

When the heated excitement left her, she felt peculiarly empty.

The quietness of her room merely reminded her of how alone she was.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me way too long but it is here but it is still not finished but I will be aiming to finish this asap
> 
> Warnings for more sexual content :v

_“W-who are you!? And what have you done to Hinata-kun!?” She yells, she wasn’t meaning to make such a loud noise but it’s nigh impossible for her to control the volume of her voice. The girl is mere inches from her and it makes terror well up with every step she takes._

_“Ooooh? Interesting.” She thankfully stalls and makes a gesture towards Hinata, “I haven’t done a single thing! ‘Hinata-kun’ here got majorly screwed over by Hope’s Peak, your precious little school. He goes by Kamukura-senpai now by the way…”_

_“Kamu-Kamukura…?” It sounds wrong. Because it wasn’t a ‘Kamukura’ standing there, it was definitely Hinata._

_However the more she stares at him the less she feels confident in that assumption. Hinata wouldn’t stand there blankly while she cried out would he?_

_“And I’m Junko Enoshima! And together we make SHSL Despair!! Such a wonderful name for such a dynamic duo no? I’m thinking of expanding our membership however, I was thinking you could be of some use in that.”_

_The words are laced with malice and it makes Nanami swallow audibly, icy fear tingling in her fingertips, she briefly glances down towards Komaeda’s unconscious body. Even if she wanted to run, she couldn’t. She couldn’t sacrifice him for herself. She couldn’t leave without either of them really._

_But what is she supposed to do?_

_“I don’t understand, what do you want?” She tries to stall, she tries to understand, because frankly she just doesn’t understand. It makes her feel so consciously ignorant, that there’s a swirling dark underbelly underneath her feet while she frolicks with her friends, that something terrible and horrific and disturbing has happened to Hinata and she was completely oblivious to it._

_Enoshima raises her hands to her lips and sways her hips bashfully, “Despair silly! The most wonderfullest amazingest thing in the entire world!”_

_Nanami blinks, “D-despair…?”_

_The girl suddenly snaps into an entirely different persona and Nanami physically jumps, “DESPAIR YOU MORON! THE WORLD CRUMBLING AROUND YOU! PEOPLE HURTING AND KILLING EACH OTHER FOR THE GODDAMN HECK OF IT! STABBING YOUR LOVED ONE IN THE NECK, BONDING WITH A CUTE LITTLE PUPPY THEN KICKING IT TO A PULP, IT’S FREAKING CRAZY MESSED UP SHIT!!”_

_“What…?” Nanami bleats._

_“I’ll put it simply. The world is simplistic and dull, I aim to make it not so simplistic and dull by cultivating a worldwide revolution. Human nature is not a utopian default of daisies and rainbows, cruelty and ignorance is in our blood, I will merely return the world to its natural state. I aim to dismantle society, create a culture of sadism and hatred. I suppose this is my base of operations, you’re of use to my experiments.”_

_She finishes the statement in a matter-of-fact tone, but Nanami still doesn’t understand. She struggles to understand so much it makes her angry._

_It was all nonsense. How was Hinata caught up in this? It was ridiculous, really really stupid._

_Enoshima smiles, “You understand now don’t you?”_

_Nanami shakes her head vigorously and feels her teeth clench, “No! Despair? Destruction? Ruin? None of that makes any sense! If you ruin everything you’ve ever worked for, all the relationships you’ve ever made, all the fond memories you have, what are you left with? It makes your life meaningless! You need a future and you need something to work towards, if you don’t have that then what’s the point of even living!?!”_

_Junko Enoshima merely threw her arms open wide and let out a vicious cackle, “There IS no point in living! Society, social conventions, relationships? They’re constructions, they’re all superficial, the world can be crafted and moulded into any way you can see fit, and why not this way? Is despair not the most volatile and the most exciting? Doesn’t the sight of absolute depravity fill you with wonder!?”_

_She shakes, “Of course it doesn’t. Why would you want to hurt people? Why would you want to see others hurt?”_

_Junko’s head tilts, “If I was not meant to enjoy pain, then why do I have the capacity to do so? That selfishness in within all humans, I’m just helping you all see the truth.”_

_“I don’t believe that, I don’t believe that at all. There’s cruelty in people, but there’s also so much kindness, and I have faith in that, I have faith in others!” Nanami spits, this girl is completely lost. Utterly and truly absent from reality. It doesn’t take a fool to know that these kinds of people are the most dangerous, the ones without any moral code or sensible kindness guiding their way, and Nanami just doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do._

_Of course, Junko laughs like Nanami is the one gone mad._

_“Hilarious. But I’ve heard this all before. Kamukura-senpai, are you watching? Are you going to watch what I’m going to do to this cute little girl?” Her voice is sickly sweet and it makes Nanami sick in her stomach._

_“Please… don’t… wait!!”_

_\-------------_

 

When she awoke, she found that she rather preferred the sweetness of sleep. Stress and anxiety already hung on her in the form of a rather unpleasant headache, and the thought of seeing Hinata’s face only worsened her symptoms.

So it was simple, she wouldn’t see Hinata, she’d stay in bed all day. She briefly surfaced from her sheets to fish out her handheld console off the bedroom floor, but countless hours passed as she thumbed at the controls and switched through endless cartridges before the rumbling in her stomach grew too loud and her back began to pinch with a lack of activity.

Part of her was expecting for Hinata to knock on her door, to enquire about her absence and seemingly give some indication that he actually cared. But he never did, and Nanami simply laid there in isolation, letting the swirling feeling of dread grow worse and worse and worse.

Until it was simply too much, she threw on her hoodie and zipped it up tight, hood circling her face as she braved the terrifying unknown outdoors of the land outside her bedroom. She tiptoed across the landing, gently pattered down the stairs, and ever so discreetly peered round the kitchen door...

“Here.”

She flinched so hard it felt as if she had been turned to rock as Hinata immediately stood right in front of her, hands outstretched holding a large bowl. When the shock and the petrification eventually managed to subside she wearily glanced up at him,

“What’s this?”

“I was expecting you to come down earlier, so I thought I would make a head-start.”

As she looked further on into the kitchen she saw the entire room was filled with ingredients and utensils of many bright colours, she looked back at Hinata curiously.

“It is an apology.” He said slowly. “You seem to enjoy it when we work together like this. Even if it is a rather pointless activity.”

Feeling a little calmed, she unzipped her jacket and pulled down the hood, grabbing onto the bowl with a small smile. Memories from last night threatened to rear up and consume the thoughts in her head, but she liked to think she had a reasonable amount of restraint. There was nothing to make her act weird if she simply refused to remember the reasons why she should be acting weird.

“Thank you.”

She followed him into the kitchen, eying the rather ridiculous amount of food piled up over the counters,“This section is for cupcakes, this section is for sponge cake, this section is for melon pan-”

“I don’t think we can bake all this in one go...” She muttered. “Let’s just start on the cupcakes for now.”

As she approached the ‘cupcake station’ Hinata patiently explained each ingredient and the precise method of cooking, carefully eying her measurements to ensure the exact amount. Baking, and cooking in general, had never been her strong point, nonetheless she enjoyed the feeling of buckling down and occupying her mind. She was so focused on whisking the rather tasty slop of butter, sugar, milk, flour and eggs, that she may or may not have stuck her fingers in, that she had forgotten all about yesterday and the anxiety bogging her down.

Hinata however, didn’t seem to be especially involved in the entire thing. He just stood there as Nanami happily hummed and used her superb fine motor skills to keep a steady whisking speed.

“Aren’t you going to help?” She enquired.

He remained as cold as a statue, “There’s little point, I would find it boring.”

“You don’t know if you never even try, here! We need vanilla extract right?”

Hinata nodded and uncapped the small bottle at his right, letting two drops fall into the mixture. She whisked a little more then stuck in an index finger, bringing it to her lips, “Tastes good!”

Smiling, she brought the whisk over near Hinata’s face, “Try some!”

“I have little interest in consuming raw ingredients.” He said, his lips ever so slightly twitching as if he was attempting to display some degree of disgust.

Scooping up some of the mixture off the utensil, she brought her finger up to poke near his mouth. It was necessary to always push Hinata into doing and trying new things, no matter how much he tried to withdraw. “Try!”

He gave her a look of discontent before sliding his lips over her finger. However the moment she felt the warmth of his mouth enclosing over her skin it immediately sent her back to thoughts of last night, the fantasies over Hinata pressing his lips against her, the slickness of his tongue. She snatched her finger back the moment he let her go and kept her head down low as if her hair would mask the shame on her cheeks.

“Tastes sweet.”

Restraint couldn’t help her now.

It was all it took for her to be so acutely aware of Hinata’s very presence, hypersensitive to his every brush against her arm and breath tingling by her neck. Of course the heady excitement was mixed with thick shame, nausea curling at her fingertips. How could she act so normal when she had desecrated their friendship?

Really, why were they even bothering with this facade of normalcy? Why were they pretending that Nanami had one single clue what she was supposed to be doing?

She was no therapist, hardly adept at normal social relationships. Out of all the people in the world who could provide support to a person who had been through so many terrible things, she would guess that she was the least qualified. She didn’t understand the intricacies of socialising, body language was as good as a foreign language, and to make it all the worse, she couldn’t help the feelings that poisoned their friendship.

Silence took her, and she hunched over the batter spooning it into the cupcake tins.

“You are troubled.” Hinata spoke suddenly as the oven door banged shut.

“Mm? Oh…” Her words trailed off though it was hardly as if she had much to say. However doubt suddenly welled up in her throat. “Hinata-kun, do you like this? Do like being here?”

She knew it was foolish to expect sudden endearment, Hinata professing his feelings and telling her she was all he needed, but it didn’t stop the weight of disappointment setting heavy on her heart,

“I don’t know. I'm unsure of my feelings.” He said plainly.

Of course he didn’t, Hinata wasn’t _well_. It just made her feel even more foolish to the point she felt tears prickling at her eyes. Everything just hurt, and there were no warm arms to hide into to make her feel better.

“You were expecting a different answer from me?”

“No, no it’s exactly the answer I was expecting.”

She began to put away her used pans and bowls by the sink, musing about retreating back to bed after obtaining a few snacks and spending the rest of the day, or perhaps the rest of her life hidden under blankets.

Hinata simply stood there impassively, as he always did, as if there was nothing particularly anchoring him to life. It was at times like these she wondered whether Hinata was still even living and breathing inside there or if his soul had faded away and died long ago. She knew those thoughts were cruel and bleak, but the crippling phobia that he was absolutely irredeemable ran regularly through her thoughts.

He spoke suddenly as if very aware he was playing on her mind, “What was our relationship before?”

“We were good friends.” She said quietly. Saying it out loud merely made it all the more uncomfortable. She had kissed him, he had kissed her, they were supposed to be friends. She had little justification for her actions.

The silence between them seemed to stretch and stretch until Hinata spoke once again,  
“Are you in love with me?"

Her chest immediately went tight, dread flitting up her spine and tingling in the pit of her stomach. Nanami croaked dryly, "You haven't earned enough affection points for that."

As neutral as she could organise herself it didn't stop the wavering in her voice to go unnoticed. She felt as if a hot burning flush was flitting just under her skin, it was almost painful, she felt sick.

She chose not to acknowledge him any further and opted to clean away the pans in silence, Hinata instead remained there, analysing her quietly. She wished in a sudden rush of annoyance that he would go away, because suddenly emotion was bursting at her chest, swirling, coiling, choking. She wasn't quite sure what, but it felt as if something inside of her was precariously close to snapping, as if every little thing she had been holding back for the past month was stretching and pulling at her to the point where it would suddenly explode out.

"You look conflicted."

And snap she did.

The sound of the crockery smashing on the kitchen counter managed to surprise her despite the fact that she knew it was coming, it was an intense sound, something at odds with her very personality, it felt confusing and uncomfortable and strange.

"OF COURSE I AM!" She shook and yelled, the words were spilling out and she had no control over it, "I'M VERY CONFLICTED, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU!"

Hinata remained as firm as a statue.

"YES, YES I'M... I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, BUT THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING RIGHT NOW! MY FEELINGS ARE ABSOLUTELY IRRELEVANT! YOU'RE MY FRIEND, MY BEST FRIEND, AND I JUST WANT TO HELP YOU, AND I DON'T WANT ANY OF THIS TO GET IN THE WAY!"

The anger burned through her quickly as if tearing up limited fuel and within seconds she remained gasping, clutching onto the counter while she regained her breath. Again, Hinata merely observed, eyeing her from a small distance away. Oh how little he must think of her now, she was steadily losing control, way over her head and pitifully head over heels. Both of those things were a terrible combination and to let them both get to her to such an extent, she surely had failed him.

She stood there, basking in the shame.

"Nanami." Hinata called out.

"Nanami, you're thinking too much."

At this she blinked up slightly, weary of the wetness beginning to gather on her eyelids. What a disaster, this entire thing was at a difficulty too high for her, she couldn’t keep herself strong for Hinata. Everything was too much, far too much.

But Hinata stepped a little closer to her, as if wanting to pique her attention, "Nanami, please be more truthful with your feelings.” For the first time in a while she felt as if she could hear a slight of a struggle in his voice, as if his words were confusing and difficult even for him.

“Please show me your affection, I think it... helps me, I find comfort in you." He was talking to her, but at the same time he sounded curiously far away. "Don't feel as if you have failed me in any sense, you shouldn't doubt in your convictions.

If you just do it, things will turn out okay... I think."

"Eh?" Her eyes shot open in an instant, blinking at him incredulously. Nothing about Hinata seemed to be different, his expression still that empty blank canvas, and yet she felt as if him saying those words in that small moment was the greatest progress she had made in the past few months. Sure, Hinata hadn’t really changed, likely it was that Hinata would never revert to the way he once was, but this in itself was obscenely promising. After endless days upon days being watched like a lab rat, not receiving the slightest shred of communication that he even gave a damn, Hinata was stood before her saying words like these.

Maybe she had underestimated herself, maybe she had underestimated both of them.

The smile that pulled at her lips seemed to unload a mountain of stress and ache. A surge of happiness and hope began to thrum through her chest, Hinata was supporting her even after all of this, how could she possibly doubt herself now? "Yeah, you're right." She dabbed at her eyes with her sleeves, "I shouldn't doubt in myself, and if Hinata-kun wants me to show him my feelings, then surely I can do that!"

Shaking away the last few mingling feelings of anxiety with a twist of her head, she pointed towards Hinata, confidence and determination renewed, "You had best be prepared for Nanami's romance route! I have extensive experience with dating sims, I shall surely choose the right dialogue options!"

"I... I'm not quite sure that video game simulations equate well to real life."

"Oh?" She cocked her head, "I see... Well, I guess that means my exp bar is empty when it comes to the romance skill. It's okay though, I think Hinata-kun's exp bar is empty too."

Hinata seemed to furrow his brow slightly, "It is relatively easy to predict patterns of romantic attraction and arousal between two individuals. Certain environmental attributes can easily be manipulated to simulate these feelings."

"Hmm, just because you've read the manual doesn't mean you know how to play the game Hinata-kun."

Hinata's brow seemed to furrow further, "Are you implying I am inept at developing a relationship?"

"Oh... Hinata-kun is getting annoyed!"

Hinata seemed to be glaring while she cleared away some of the mess she had made prior. Nanami didn't mind however, she felt lighter than air.

  

\--------

She wasn't certain about the proper procedure when given free reign to be physically intimate. Hinata was sat on the sofa, she wanted to sit with him on the sofa, but it wasn't that simple really.

How close? Should they be touching? Should she cuddle him? How should he react?

She furrowed her brow as he stared at her with an eyebrow raised. He thankfully said nothing to interrupt her intense thought process.

She took a step, then another, and hovered by the seat. Definitely not simple, she placed her hand on his shoulder to test the waters.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

She didn't respond, but rather hummed, twisting her body and gingerly sitting a few centimetres from him. Not close enough, she mused, and scooted closer to him so that their thighs were touching.

Was that too close? She glanced over at him, he seemed nonplussed.

Feeling braver, she let her body tilt ever so slightly, shoulder brushing against his arm as she let herself sink further and her head hit his body. He felt warm, alive,

that made her feel happy.

She couldn't help but to think of his comments from earlier, he had made progress sure, but how much progress had he truly made overall? It was difficult to assess, it was hard to determine where his head and his heart were at. But here she was leaning against him with butterflies in her chest and the world seemed a little lighter. Feeling her emotions take the lead, she slipped her hand over his.

"If me touching you ever makes you feel uncomfortable just tell m-"

"Can I... sleep with you tonight?" His voice was strangely quiet, carrying a delicate waver that would be unrecognisable to any other person than her. "I dislike being on my own at night. It's very... unpleasant."

Her ears burned with the shock, utter surprise churning in her stomach. His comment from earlier was very much out of character, but this was a much larger leap than what she was expecting. He sounded and looked, in the most slightest yet noticeable of ways... vulnerable.

She almost felt ashamed of herself for falling into a sense that Hinata had no such weakness or trauma within him, he surely had if what he and Yukizome-sensei had told him of Hopes Peak's experimentation was anything to go by. She squeezed his hand while her head buzzed.

"Yeah, that's fine." She whispered into his shirt, nuzzling at the fabric.

She had hated the silence that regularly sat between them before, but now, without the cloud of anxiety over her head, she found them to be peaceful and warm. She found herself pondering over the shift in Hinata’s behaviour, but whatever the reasons it didn’t particularly matter. She was so so very glad that somehow someway, a wall had been broken between them.

“Hinata-kun, you realise it’s strange for us to be sharing a bed though right?”

He raised an eyebrow, “Is it? I thought we were lovers.”

“Eh?! We are!?” She said incredulously. She couldn’t possibly help her heart skipping a beat, or two, or three.

“We kissed…”

“Well yeah but…”

“You’re romantically and sexually attracted to me.”

“Ah! Don’t say that out loud!!”

“By all intents and purposes we are partners are we not?”

She puffed out her cheeks and nibbled at her lip, “But I don’t even know _your_ feelings Hinata-kun.”

He turned to face her, and given their proximity on the sofa his face was remarkably close to hers. She couldn’t help to think how handsome he looked so up close, nor the niggling feeling in her chest pushing her to lean over and seal his impassive frown with her smiling lips.

“The me from before loved you, I think. Even now I don’t think those feelings have changed at all.”

As long-winded as those words were, she knew the gist of it. ‘I loved you. I still love you.’ A flush of joy tingled inside her and caught at her breath.

“Mmm.” She hummed, pressing her face into his chest before he could notice the tears prickling at the edge of her eyes. Maybe she hadn’t messed this up after all. Maybe things would actually turn out alright.

What a peculiarly hopeful thought.

\--------

Laying in bed with one another was a peculiar sensation. Simply having Hinata's warm body mere inches from hers made her heart clench. Sharing a bed space with another person was a remarkably intimate thing surely? The place where your daily facade melts away, laid alone with only your thoughts and your vulnerabilities, at least that was the case for Nanami. She wondered if this held true for Hinata too.

They said very little, and Nanami listened to the ambient pattering of rain on the window panes, blinking in moonlight and shadow whilst her mind drifted to abstract thoughts of Hinata and lingering frightening memories.

The scenario seemed to cast a surreal bubble, a place where reality held little weight and the only thing that seemed to exist in the entire universe was that bedroom, the blue hue of the moon, and Hinata's quiet breaths interspersed through the rainfall.

Hinata's voice drifted through the atmosphere,

"I'm never going to be the person you knew before. I can't be the Hajime Hinata you knew in the past."

Nanami closed her eyes shut, "That's fine."

"I don't think you quite understand the situation. Parts of my neuroanatomy have been irreversibly changed, simply regaining memories means little, this identity is now a permanent part of my being. I will never be the same."

The briefest of smiles ghosted her lips, "That's ok. I'm sorry if I pushed my memories of old Hinata onto you, I just wanted to help you find yourself, but I understand the definition of that is something you need to define on your own."

Hinata seemed to grow irritable, "That is still not what I am discussing. Do you really not understand the gravity of the situation? The changes made to me were stark, I'm as good as a different person."

She shook her head softly, "Even so, that doesn't invalidate who you were, or our memories together. Those things are an inseparable part of you."

"You're still kind and caring, you get annoyed when I don't take care of myself, you have no patience for nonsense, you worry lots even if you don't show it. You're still yourself, no matter what changes have altered you, at your core, you're still the same person I fell in love with. So it doesn't matter to me if your personality changes, or you want to be called by a different name, I'll always want to be by your side."

Rainfall took the place of conversation after that, but Nanami didn’t feel too upset. She knew he had heard every word, and likely those words were sinking in, helping to shape whatever kind of self Hinata was trying to construct. It was likely Hinata had no idea who he was supposed to be, nor how he was supposed to feel, but she felt she could help with that.

Whatever path he decided to take, she’d be there to help him along. As long as he knew that, Nanami felt confident that he would make the best choice for himself.

Time passed and having Hinata beside her lulled her into contentment. Sleep hadn’t come easy the previous night and she could feel the weight of fatigue sinking her into the mattress and drooping her eyelids. Today had been so tough and she had held onto so much pain in the past few days, having it all relieved in an instant made her curiously exhausted after it all. Just as sleep began to seep over her, Hinata suddenly murmured,

“I did it for you, you know.”

She rustled and drowsily turned to face him. He had his back turned to her and long hair draped over the bedsheets and his pillow.

“What do you mean?”

He seemed to notice she had rearranged herself, and he too shifted onto his side to meet her eyes,

“I wanted to be good enough for you. At least, that’s the kind of emotion that comes to me when I try to think about the past.” He whispered.

Pain tugged at her heart, “Hinata-kun… When did I ever give you the impression that I thought you weren’t good enough for me?”

The expression on his face looked curiously pained, confused as if he were bewildered by his own feelings. “You likely didn’t. I think I disliked myself so much that I couldn’t fathom why someone like you would want to bother being with me.”

Sleepily, she reached out to touch at his cheek, feeling warm at the sensation of his soft skin. Uncharacteristically, Hinata brought his hand up to touch at hers, rubbing circles over her palm as if curiously sampling the feeling of touching another human being. Before she could stop herself she wiggled over to lay flush beside him, forehead pressing against his and revelling at the very concept of having Hinata together with her, wrapped amongst bedsheets with only themselves as each other's company. It was something blissfully intimate, perfect and delicate and all theirs. Images of the past, Junko's grinning face, the emptiness in Hinata's eyes, threatened to cascade over her bringing fear in its wake. He had been through so much, had so many terrible things subjected on him, it was nothing short of a miracle he was beside her now. She felt deep shame that she had never noticed the pain in his heart, she played over the idea of somehow stepping back in time and letting him know he meant the world to her.

But of course the past was the past, she had to deal with the here and now. And even if Hinata wasn't the same, even if he had been thrown to devils and ripped apart, she couldn't stop the unconditional love she felt for him. 

Nothing felt more perfect that having him there, safe in her arms. For the first time, she felt as if she could genuinely protect him.

"I love you." She breathed, breaking the air with something that made her fall even deeper.

He closed his eyes, "Thank you."

Pure instinct had her leaning over and kissing him on the lips. He held purposely still, allowing her to explore him at her own pace. There was nothing desperate or frantic about it, it was indulgent and slow, Nanami touching and kissing in whatever way she wanted for however long she desired. Her fingers at some point wound themselves into his silky soft hair, pulling it through the gaps in her hand and letting it fall lazily over his body. He seemed to melt into her, their skin brushing and burning against one another. Nanami had never quite felt a sensation like this before, it was such a gut-wrenching exhilaration she had the worry that she would not be able to stop. The love she felt for him only swirled and grew and grew.

A flame seemed to be growing in her abdomen, flickering and licking at her insides the more she encased her mouth over his and her motions grew ever so more heated and hungry. She was no fool, and could recognise the feeling that had her pleasuring herself over twisted memories and stolen kisses. Surely it was time for her to stop now, before anything indecent occurred and her more obscene feelings leaked out. She could restrain herself, for him.

Yet as she dropped her hands from his face and shuffled to create distance between them, Hinata held firmly onto her torso.

"Don't." He said. "You don't have to hide things like this from me."

She flushed red and averted her gaze from him, replying in a scarcely audible voice, "Sorry for being gross..."

"It’s a natural reaction.” He muttered, eyeing her curiously. Tentatively, he moved his hand to brush the hair from her face, sinking down to run his fingertips over the soft flesh of her neck. “Is this what you want?”

She had long considered her own emotions to be disgusting, borne of her own loneliness and old aching feelings. Never had she considered they would be validated, that Hinata would accept her affections, that he'd be willing to indulge her, that she needn't feel ashamed. The self-hatred that would normally well in her throat seemed to dissipate, and whatever filled its void, she was not sure. Regardless it had her parting her lips to let out a shaky breath, coiling her fingers around his face and pressing against him.

"Hinata-kun..." She gasped, as he leaned in to place a kiss at the nape of her neck. Caresses followed over her bared shoulders, moving down to the crook where her breasts lay hidden beneath her nightgown. His lips against her skin sent her into a flush, as if no other aspect of the world could quite give her as much contentment as Hinata touching her body. Her hands traced over his, holding them in her grip, and followed him over to press against her chest, curving and gasping at the pleasure tingling in her gut. The straps of her clothing were pulled down, and she lay naked beside him bar her underwear.

It was no lie to say she felt embarrassed, but the excitement that tinged at her senses overpowered whatever discomfort she felt. The sensation was almost as if she were in a dream, mind hazy and body numbed with pleasure. Merely the thought that Hinata was doing something like this with her seemed like something out of her own fantasies, hardly real, entirely fiction. The niggling worry at the back of her head questioned whether Hinata was actually enjoying any of this or if it were an attempt at drawing out his curiosity, that she were a experimental case, his touches merely performed for the slight glimmer of interest that would eventually succumb to boredom. 

Hinata's subtle blush ebbed away some of that worry however.

He pressed against her breasts, rolling the nubs at the peak between his fingers. She squirmed against him, a finger curling up to settle at her mouth, teeth ever so slightly nibbling at the skin. But it wasn't as if she needed to be worked up anymore, the dizzy excitement had her already damp and wanting between her thighs and she couldn't control the slight jerk and thrust of her hips as pleasure twinged at her insides. As if very acutely aware of her desires, her legs twitched and jerked and ground themselves together as he smoothed his hands down over her quaking stomach to curve around to where slickness soaked at her panties. She could not quite fathom the exquisite jolt at the very sensation of him gently lifting up the band of her underwear to slide his hand inside and press against her clit, warm and wet. Nor could she restrain the loud shuddering gasp at the feeling.

If her head felt hazy before, then at this point she was surely self-circuiting to the point of collapse. She was scarcely aware of how long Hinata had pressed and rubbed against her before suddenly orgasm shook over her entire body, twitching at her toes all the way up to fog out conscious thought in her brain. 

When she came down the only thing she could think of was how much she loved Hinata and how much she wished they could lay forever in that bed and never be apart.

"Fast..." Was Hinata's only response after a brief intermittence of silence, eyeing at his fingers and the fluid that dripped down his arm.

She huffed and nuzzled closer to him, "That was my first time."

"Well... I can do it again."

She blinked and flushed, "O-oh..."

The haze in her head had her leaning over to kiss him once more, holding onto him as tightly as she could as Hinata's hands curved over her body.

Maybe she wouldn't be getting that much sleep after all. But maybe it was nice not to think about the world falling from under them.


End file.
